Going Home

People go back home for many different reasons. I go back home several times a year for celebrations, high school reunions, and simply just to visit my family.  Since I’m in between jobs, I decided to go home for a few days recently. I very rarely get home by myself…usually my daughter and husband will join me when I make that drive up I-35.

While packing for my visit, I decided that I would take along my camera and practice my new hobby of photography. Usually my photo adventures are with my husband, Curtis, where I lean heavily on his newfound expertise; this time I would be choosing my own locations and shots.

I decided I was going to shoot historic downtown Shawnee. Downtown Shawnee is home to many interesting landmarks to take photos of…the mill, several theatres, an old train station, and a famous hotel. Growing up, Main Street was like any other small town Main Street, full of shops that we only visited once in awhile with our mom and dad when we were shopping for furniture or getting new shoes for Easter. The attractions that lured teens to our outdated Main St. was two of the town’s movie theatres: the Ritz and the Hornbeck.

These theatres, the Hornbeck in particular, are significant to me, since my first job was working the ticket booth in the Hornbeck theatre. The owners, the Jones family, took great pride in their historic theatres. It was a great job for a teenager; I got into the movies for free and could even bring in guests for free occasionally.

It was with a bit of nostalgia that I returned to Main Street later that evening in hopes of getting some great dusk photos. I started at the mill hoping to get a sunset shot. I then headed to 9^th and Bell Street where I got shots of the historic Aldridge Hotel, Shawnee’s first “skyscraper.” I wasted a little more time just goofing off with my 2 sisters before setting up for a shot of the Hornbeck movie theatre.

I was disappointed to see that well after dusk, the marquee still wasn’t lit up. I boldly entered the theatre and asked for the lights to be turned on…I actually joked with the employees about how disappointed Mr. Jones would be about the lights not being turned on as soon as the sun set.

I went back out to set up for my shot, but was incredibly disappointed that only the marque lights had been turned on…what I really wanted a shot of was the neon “Hornbeck” sign. When I inquired about why the sign wasn’t lit, I was heart-broken to learn that the sign hadn’t been turned on in years because it was broken and was too expensive to fix.  

That got me to thinking about the many things in my life that I haven’t “fixed” because it would be too “expensive.” Expensive doesn’t always have to be about money. Sometimes things don’t get done because they aren’t important enough to put in the time or the effort to do them. Often times, however, even important things don’t get done because the effort is greater than the immediate reward.  Our society has trained us to desire immediate reward and when that doesn’t happen, we give up. Many would rather let some of things fall into neglect rather than to put in the hard work to gain momentum with or even maintain what was at one time very important to them.

What is it in your life that you’ve allow to fall into neglect because you think it's too "expensive" to fix?

Why is waiting so hard?

Patience is the art of concealing your impatience. Guy Kawasaki 

The little guy in the picture is our neighborhood dog teaser. He has a regular routine…most mornings he scampers across our back fence on his way to wherever it is he goes to forage for his food. Boomer, our jack russell, will never give up the opportunity to chase him up into the neighbor’s tree that hangs over into our yard. One day last fall, I absolutely could not get Boomer to come back into the house so I decided to have a peek at what was keeping Boomer’s attention so well.

Most critters will run when humans enter the picture, but not this guy. He was in it for the long haul. He had stretched out on a branch waiting for me to entice Boomer back into the house so he could continue on with his day. I watched him for a few minutes and then decided to get my camera. He hadn’t moved so I snapped away for several minutes. I eventually got bored with shooting pictures of him…he wasn’t doing anything but just sitting there…and I was even finally able to entice Boomer back into the house. I don’t know what 30 minutes of human time equates to in squirrel time, but I’m sure this little guy was glad to finally be moving on with his day once Boomer and I finally went into the house.

I’d like to think there are plenty of people out there who assign human thought, emotion, and motive to our friends in the animal kingdom. I know that animals don’t think like we humans do, but I cannot help but wonder what was going through his little squirrel brain. Did he make a conscious decision to wait us out or was it simply the instinct to survive? Was he really being patient or just feeling secure because he was so high in the tree? Was he angry with us because we had interrupted his routine and now his tummy was growling because he knew there were nuts waiting on him?

I’d like to think that he knew eventually I would lure Boomer back into the house. He knew that eventually he would be able to go on with his day doing whatever it is that squirrels do all day.  Whatever was going through his mind, he did demonstrate the human trait of patience. Patience is something I struggle with, as I assume most people do. Eknath Easwaran, a famous spiritual leader, once said, “Patience can't be acquired overnight. It is just like building up a muscle. Every day you need to work on it.”

Gaining patience and exhibiting that same patience can be a vicious cycle…it takes patience to learn patience. What a conundrum, right? I want to be patient with where I am in life right now, but that is SO hard. They say that “good things come to those that wait,” but I’d at least like a hint. Then maybe the waiting wouldn’t be so bad.

Remember my squirrel?  It wasn’t until days later when processing the photo that I realized he had sat there the whole time with a nut in his mouth. I’m sure that nut had come from a tree he had eaten from often. He must have been OK with the waiting because he had that plump nut in his mouth…he had to know that nut was going to taste good and satisfy his hunger. That’s what I want…some inkling of what is to come so that I can be OK in the waiting. It’s the not knowing that makes the wait so hard.

What a beautiful thought...

I came across this picture the other day on Facebook. I don’t normally repost those pictures with words printed over them, but this one really spoke to me.

You see, I haven’t been enjoying life much lately. A year ago or so, I left what I thought was the job I had been growing up to do all my life. I was a teacher at a private school teaching the Microsoft Office Suite and how to handle the internet to high school students. Over the course of the seven years I taught at this school, I had to opportunity to be a part of the lives of HUNDREDS of amazing kids. Then one day, I found out that while I was hard at work investing in my students that I had worked myself out of a job. (Story for another day…really.)

I’ve had another job since then, but it wasn’t necessarily what I was wired to do. I took it because it paid the bills and provided insurance for our family. For personal reasons that have everything to do with this post but that I won’t go into now (or possibly ever), I don’t have that job anymore either.

So, here I am…unemployed now for three weeks. I’ve had a few interviews, but no solid job offer yet, and I have no job interviews on the calendar anytime soon. (Can you hear the bells and whistles from my pity party yet?)  I’m spending my days piddling around the house in between posting my resume to yet one more career site, applying for one more job that I’m fairly certain I’m not going to get, and playing with my overly hyper jack russell, Boomer. I think I may go crazy if something doesn’t come up soon. Yeah…I’ve been feeling a little sorry for myself.

But then, I saw that picture and read those words: “What a wonderful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives haven’t happened yet.” It caused me to stop and pause for a moment and then another moment, and then I reposted it onto my FaceBook wall. It has stuck in my mind, so this morning, I changed my desktop background to this image and my cover photo on Facebook as well. The more I thought about this sentence, the more sense it makes to me.

Yes, I have had plenty of amazingly awesome days that I can reflect on as well, (again, stories for another day!) but when you're down in the valley, the amount of time you can see the sun is drastically shorter. I can go on living in the past, worrying about what I have or have not yet accomplished in my life. Or I can look ahead to the future in eager anticipation of what is yet to come.

All I can commit to is just for today, and maybe for a little while tomorrow, I will focus on what’s in store for me in the future. I can continue to wallow in my self-pity or I can choose to take a new perspective on my life and look to those days that have not yet come and eagerly anticipate what could possibly be the best days yet. Yes, that is what I will do today, and if this works out OK I'll keep it up for longer than that...I'll let you know.